Shindemo Ii (Now I Can Die)
by Rydia Highwind
Summary: A song fic about Houjun near the river, three years after the unhappy little incident that happened there.


---NOTE--- This is a song-fic about Houjun, with the song "Shindemo Ii" sung by Seki Tomokazu, from the anime "Weiss Kreuz".  
  
  
  
He approached the river with a heavy heart.  
  
He smiled as he sat down on the grassy banks. "Three years," he said, his voice rueful. "Three years today, now. Right here." He smiled again and picked a blade of grass between to of his fingers. A breeze plucked the stalk from his hand and whisked it into the glistening river.  
  
  
Mou subete sutete anata dake wo  
Aisu koto ga kanau naraba boku wa  
Mou shindemo ii futari dake no  
Sekai koso ga boku no rakuen da yo  
  
Throwing everything else away, if  
My love for you could be fulfilled  
Then now I could die in my paradise,  
We two alone in our own world  
  
  
He leaned forward to watch the grass float away in the river's strong current. He found himself lying on his chest next to the river, staring into its depth with his odd, one-eyed stare. "Three years," he repeated. He was getting his robes dirty, lying here.  
  
"It's hopeless." The words dropped from his tongue like a heavy weight and seemed to plunge headlong into that river. "Where did you go, three years ago?" he asked. Only a bird in a nearby tree bothered to answer.  
  
He pulled himself forward, so that he was looking down into the river, at his wavering reflection. It was hideous to see, his scarred and deformed face staring back at him, taunting him, hating him just as much as he hated it. He splashed his hand across it angrily, upset at his own stupidity. Nothing could upset him more than his own reflection.  
  
  
Ah sono kata wo daki-yosete  
Motome-au nani mo ka mo  
  
Ah, embracing those shoulders  
We seek something in each other  
  
  
To his own surprise, however, he found himself looking back to that disfigured mirror. He studied the complexity of the agitated reflection staring back at him. He stared for a long time.  
  
Then the winds changed, and the reflection followed suit. Suddenly, it was no longer the face of a handsome young man with such a appalling scar across the better part of his face. Now it was the face of a young woman, tender and lonely. Her hair was a gentle shade of brown and her eyes the color of the sea after a storm. She smiled.  
  
"There you are," he said. "I've been waiting. Waiting for three years."  
  
  
Nee hoshii mono wa anata dake to  
Kieru you na koe ga kanashi-sugite  
Mou shindemo ii ai no hate de  
Muku ni natta hada ga shinjitsu da yo  
  
I say that my only desire is you  
In a dying voice that is heartbreaking  
Now I can die at the farthest reach of love  
Where your purity is my reality  
  
  
Her lovely face disappeared as quickly into the currents as it had three years earlier, as quickly as it had appeared. "Wait--!" he cried. "Don't...don't leave me again." He stood up and brushed off the monk robes he wore. "I'm coming with you this time."  
  
He took a step into the water, feeling the shallow currents tugging at his ankles. "You can't go alone," he murmured, more to himself than anyone. He took a few more steps, barely able to hold his own against the currents. He looked around. "Where...?"  
  
The next step took him waist-deep. He let the river pull him along, giving up the weak fight he had put up earlier. He was engulfed with the pure, cold water. Just the way it should be, he thought.  
  
  
Ah me wo tojite mitsume-ai  
Kegarezu ni ochite yuku  
  
Ah, closing our eyes we find each other  
Falling without fear of sin  
  
  
He let himself be dragged along the bottom of the river, paying no mind to the dangerously low temperature or the deadly currents. She had to have come this way, he thought. I'll catch up with her.  
  
Still he did not see her. He was beginning to see white spots dancing in front of his vision. How was he to see her if there were these annoying white spots in the way? He reached for one, only to slam his hand against the side of the river. He could see a trail of red extending behind him laced through the gentle greenish blue of the depths of the river.  
  
  
Ah sono kata wo daki-yosete  
Motome-au nani mo ka mo  
Ma wo tojite mitsume-ai  
Kegarezu ni ochite yuku  
  
Ah, embracing those shoulders  
We seek something in each other  
Closing our eyes we find each other  
Falling without fear of sin  
  
  
He saw her then. An angel, above him. I've found you, he thought.  
  
Smiling, he closed his eyes. 


End file.
